How Beautiful You Are
by Prednewc
Summary: AU. follows a group of college students through a web of unrequited love. Rating may increase from T to M. contains some slash. Focuses on Logan, Kendall, Carlos, Jo, Camille, and an OC.
1. Half Alive

Hi! this is my first fic, so bare with me. it may be rough. This chapter focuses on Logan and Kendall. The other characters will be introduced throughout the first four chapters.

This is an AU, as you will clearly see soon enough. James isn't going to be a character in this, though I may try to throw a few references to him in. I couldn't figure out how to work him in. Sorry. This story is also PARTIAL slash. There is some Cargan, Daklos, and Kogan (kinda), however there is also lots of non-slash in here too.

disclaimer: I don't own BTR. If I did, I wouldn't be writing this here.

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><p>Kendall stumbled into the darkness that was his dorm room. He was trying to be quiet, so he wouldn't wake up his roommate. He fumbled with his belt, and managed to only fall over once while he pulled off his jeans. His t-shirt was a little more of a challenge. Jo had bought it for him, and told him to wear it tonight, thus he <em>had<em> to wear it. Well, this shirt was a little too small for Kendall, and he got it stuck over his head with one arm in and one arm out. By the time he forced his way out of it the drunken boy was a bit turned around and he climbed into the wrong bed. By the time Kendall realized he was in Logan's bed he passed out.

Logan had just gone to sleep when Kendall stumbled into the room, so he hadn't quite fallen asleep when he felt the warmth of his roommate crawl into his bed. He woke a little and rolled over to make more room, without realizing what had happened. The realization hit him and his eye's snapped open. He looked at his clock, 4:00 AM. He slowly craned his neck to make sure what he thought had actually happened. Yep. Kendall was asleep in his bed. It was really happening.

Logan didn't know what to do. He slowly rolled over, turning his body to face his roommate. As he did Kendall snuggled closer to him. That's when Logan realized that Kendall was already asleep, and he could smell the alcohol on Kendall's breath. _'He was just drunk and confused'_, Logan thought, disappointed, realizing that Kendall wasn't making the welcome advance Logan had been so desperate for. _'welp, I can't move him, so I might as well enjoy what I can get'_. Logan snuggled up close to Kendall and tried to sleep. The scent of Kendall's cologne filling his nose, Logan relaxed and began to drift, thoughts fading _'This feels so right. Why don't you understand that? Why can't you feel it too?' _Logan's mind went dark as he fell into a dreamless slumber.

Logan's alarm went off at 8:00. He woke up and realized that Kendall was snuggled up to him, with his arm wrapped around him. He could feel Kendall's slow, rhythmic heartbeat against his back. He rolled over and could feel an erection against his ass. And started to get excited until he realized, it was probably just morning wood. _'Kendall's straight. He doesn't have feelings for you. Just stop it.'_ Logan thought to himself, though he couldn't resist a little peak under the covers. Kendall was only wearing a pair of boxer briefs and Logan could see every detail of his length. He slammed the covers back down, perhaps a little too quickly, as Kendall began to stir slightly. _'Why the HELL are you doing this to yourself? You can't even tell him how you feel, and there isn't even any point to it. Not only does he have a girlfriend, BUT he's straight. Not bi, not curious, straight. He's told you this. You know this. Nothing will ever happen between you. So just stop,'_ Logan silently berated himself.

He climbed over Kendall, who had settled back to sleep and went to take a cold shower before he got ready for class.

Kendall woke up suddenly, and was immediately confused. Jo was screaming and he was not in his own bed. His head was pounding, his stomach was in knots and he had the worst cottonmouth of his life. _'No more Wasted Wednesdays for me…'_ Kendall thought before he braved opening his eyes again, the lights overwhelming him. He stared at Jo, who was still yelling at him. He squinted at Logan's clock, it was 8:20. _'Why is she so upset? We don't have class until 8:30…'_ "Oh shit!" Kendall jumped out of bed, his head began to spin more, but he rushed over to his dresser, pulled on some jeans and a shirt and grabbed his books as Logan walked in.

Logan walked back to his room, he could hear Jo berating Kendall through the door, "WHAT? ARE YOU A FAG NOW? SLEEPING WITH YOUR ROOMMATE? WHY ARE YOU IN HIS BED? GET THE FUCK UP! WE HAVE TO GO TO CLASS! WHY AREN'T YOU MOVING YOUR LAZY ASS, FAGGOT? GODDAMMIT MOVE MOVE MOVE!"

Logan took a deep breath and pushed open the door, in time to see Kendall jump out of his bed and scurry to get dressed. As Kendall moved towards the door to leave he turned to Logan gave him a quick half-hug, saying "Hey thanks for letting me crash in your bed last night, I don't even remember coming back here. Sorry… Oh, and sorry for her, you know how she gets. I'll talk to her about it. Don't worry." Kendall broke the hug, and gave Logan his signature smile, making him melt inside. As they slid apart Logan's hand lingered on Kendall's. Kendall encased Logan's with his other hand and said "Thanks again!" before Jo pulled him out the door, still yelling at him.

"Yeah, no problem…" Logan said to no one, as he stood in the open door, wearing nothing but a towel. He was alone. _'I have to stop it. It's not going to happen…'_ Logan's berating himself continued similarly like this for a while.

He dressed and went to class, and began to fantasize about what it would be like. Kendall would save him from the heartbreak that was slowly killing him. _'No… not killing me, I can't be killed, I'm not even alive. Not without him. But it still feels like I'm dying, especially around him. But that's okay, because he'll give me a reason to survive, and we'll be together forever.'_

The thoughts had kept him going through the day. His fantasies were interrupted by his phone vibrating, and he temporarily blurred fantasy and reality, expecting it to be Kendall. He read the message, Hey Gorgeous, wanna get lunch with me? 3 . Logan was so excited, then he snapped back to reality and read that it was from Carlos. _'Of course it's from Carlos, who else would call you gorgeous? Idiot.'_ Logan thought, as he responded that he would love to get lunch with his boyfriend.


	2. Awake

Carlos smiled as he saw Logan approaching. He was always excited to see his boyfriend, they had been together for almost a year and Carlos was still as blind with love as he was the first time he saw Logan, and he had no intention of letting that fade. Now, Carlos isn't stupid. He knew that Logan didn't feel as strong for him as he felt for Logan. He could tell that Logan's mind was always multitasking, working on something else, processing something, he just didn't know what. "Hey, gorgeous boy! How's your day been, so far?"

"Better now that I'm with you." Logan gave a slanted smile as he replied, "Morning was a little rough…"

"It's not even noon. What happened?" Carlos immediately getting over-protective, nothing should ever upset his Logie-bear.

"It's not really a big deal… I somehow woke up to drunk-hung over-passed out Kendall in my bed. Not sure how that one happened. But apparently that triggered a shrieking, harpy rant from the Jo-monster that I just happened to walk in on on my way back from the shower. Not a big deal, I just can't stand that bitch."

"Who can? Haha! I've been trying to deal with her since they started dating in high school. Still can't figure her out." This was true. Carlos and Kendal had been best friends since they played Peewee hockey together, and the two, along with Jo all ended up going to school together. The only time Carlos and Kendall had ever gotten into an argument about anything was when Kendall started dating Jo. On top of being a rampant homophobe, she was an oozing skitch who treated Kendall like her lapdog. Well, actually, worse, she bought toys and gave treats to her lapdog. "Maybe he'll come to his senses eventually, and dump her."

"We can only hope." Logan knew the reasons he and Carlos wanted this were very different, however, he also did really and truly like Carlos, and valued that they could bond over this. Logan knew that he and Kendall wasn't going to happen. Well, his brain knew it. He could conceptualize the fact that Kendall is straight. Kendall likes women. Kendall does not like men, thus Kendall does not, will not, cannot like Logan. He knows this, and yet, Logan's heart still wanted it. But as he looked into Carlos's dark coffee colored eyes, he could feel the love that Carlos had for him, and it felt good. He loved being loved, which is part of the reason why Logan had agreed to go out with him in the first place. Well, that and because Kendall set them up, and he thought it would be a way to get closer to him. Okay, so Logan wasn't the best guy. But to be fair, it was before he really got to know Carlos, before he got to care for him. Before his feelings got really confused…

Logan's brain tells him so many things, more than just that Kendal wouldn't happen. It tells him that Carlos is perfect. Carlos is adorable, and yet sexy, he's bubbly and energetic yet he can be serious and calm and most of all Carlos has a huge heart, a huge heart that he gives openly, honestly and eagerly to Logan without expecting anything in return. Carlos is perfect. It has been tormenting Logan for a while. He really cares for Carlos. He wants to love Carlos back the way that Carlos loves him, and yet he can't get his heart to follow his head.

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><p>Logan and Carlos were lying in Logan's bed. As Carlos tried to scoot over and turn off the TV he felt Logan's weight shift on his chest and he could feel the sleeping boy's heart racing. They had been watching movies all evening and Logan had fallen asleep during each one.<p>

Carlos lay there, holding his boyfriend, so at peace. He looked down at the tranquil face on his chest noticing the perturbed look, "What are you dreaming about? You just never stop thinking. I just… I just wonder if it's ever me you're thinking about." Carlos looked around, even though he knew no one was within earshot. He was nervous. It was the first time he had ever actually verbalized his reservations about Logan. And even if it was just to a sleeping boy, it was still a significant moment for him.

"I know you'll never actually say anything out loud… never tell me… but, do you really want to be with me? I- I just… I love you so much and I feel like you're so far away from me right now… well, always, you just keep your distance. I don't know if it's just that you have difficulty letting people in, or if you just can't tell me something. You can tell me anything, you know-"

"love… you…" Logan mumbled in his sleep.

"I love you too! If only you could say that when you were awake! I ju-" Carlos was cut-off and shocked by what he heard next.

"love you… Kendall…"

"No. no. no no no. no. You were supposed to say my name. Say my name, dammit! Please? Please just say my name. Tell me you love ME. Just so I know it's true. Let me know that you feel the way I feel. Tell me that I make you feel alive, that I've changed you the way you've changed me. Please. Just… just love me." Carlos begged the sleeping boy. Tears began to roll down his face. He could feel his heart breaking as the piece of the puzzle began to fit together in his head. The reason why Logan was always distracted, why he wasn't all the way there with Carlos; Kendall. "I gave you my whole heart. You still have it, just don't break it… I can't leave. I can't be without you. I don't want to be without you."

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><p>Any reviews would be helpful, or just nice. Thanks.<p> 


	3. I Hate this Song

Screaming was all he could hear. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't even remember a time in the four years that they had been together that Jo wasn't screaming. She was always berating and belittling him. Telling him he was sad and pathetic or weak, emasculating him. He knew that it wasn't his fault. He hadn't done anything to deserve this. But knowing that didn't make it any easier for him to stop it from happening.

Jo's anger is rooted in her crappy life. Her mom died when she was young leaving her with her unprepared father, who became and still is a verbally-abusive alcoholic. Kendall used this to explain her behavior, legitimize it, in a way. She only acts like this because it's all she knows. It's the only way she can express her feelings. So even though she loves him she can't show it. He knows that she's not completely irrational; she knows that she's pushing him away. And he knows that terrifies her. So he stays and he tolerates it. He just takes it over and over again. He doesn't put up a fight. He doesn't defend himself. He doesn't let her see him getting upset or hurt. He used to, but that just made her get mean and spiteful, taking sharp jabs at things she knew he was sensitive about.

This time Jo was going after his friends. He was tired of it. She could say what she wanted about him. But the comments about his oldest friend, or his Dad abandoning his family, or anything about his mom or his sister? Those were crossing the line. Jo had officially crossed the line for the final time tonight. Kendall snapped.

"Stop it." Kendall said firmly, but not very loud. Jo paused for a moment looking at him confused. He hadn't tried to stop her in years.

A little dumbfounded all she could get out was, "Wha… Kenda..?" before he continued.

"What? Tongue-tied? Well you better figure that out. I'm getting really tired of hearing about how horrible my friends are or how worthless to you I am, so I just want to know where you're planning on going with this. And if you have figured that out can you please hurry up and get there? Because I've been done with this _conversation_ of yours for a while now."

With that Jo's eyes began to water. She wasn't expecting this. Kendall didn't stand up for himself. He just didn't, not with her, with everyone else in the world he could stand up and fight back, but he always let her walk all over him. His words cut into her, the tone was so familiar. She heard it all the time coming from her father and her own mouth, but never from Kendall. Combined with the surprise it was too much and the tears flooded around her emotional walls filling her eyes. The only thing that kept them from falling was sheer willpower.

"Really Jo? Really? You're going to _cry_? Now? You've been bitching at me for almost an hour and now you're the one who's crying? Look I know that you're life's not easy, but I also know that that's where these tears are coming from. I refuse to let you guilt me with them. You try to drown me in your fears of being alone, of losing everyone close to you, but you just end up pushing everyone away! Don't you see that I'm the only friend you have? I feel bad. You've gone through a lot. No one should have to go through so much, but at this point you're only adding to the issues and this whole ocean of problems you're brewing is getting a little too deep for me to swim in."

At that Jo got up from her chair, and began to leave the dining hall, but Kendall chased after her. "What no goodbye? You're just going to leave? This doesn't fix any of the problems, Jo! I'm right here. You want me? I'm right here. Right where I have been for four fucking years. I have tried to help you, I've let you vent, I've let you treat me like shit, but it's become more of a problem than I can deal with. You're hurting me, no matter what I do to try to not let it bother me it just does, and it's not fair! Everything you say? All of your words? They haunt me. They're under my skin, and all of these vulgar arguments that fill every night are crushing me. I can't handle it anymore! I just can't."

Kendall paused, a little surprised, himself, at what he had just said. Jo spoke up, weak, between sobs, "W-What are you saying? Are we…?" She trailed off but Kendall knew what she was asking.

"I don't know. But we aren't going to continue the way we are."

"Well do you still love me?" a bit more confidence back in her tone as she pulled herself back together.

"I don't even know anymore" this struck Jo hard and she immediately began to cry again, "But I do know that we have history that I can't just ignore. There's a lot of stuff between us, and I can't just let that go flat out." Kendall stated, getting a little shaky.

"So what… what do we do?" Jo asked, worry keeping any hopes at bay lest they be crushed again.

Kendall thought for a moment, making Jo nervous, before he spoke, "You… You're going home this weekend. While you're there take a hard look at yourself, at your life, at the way you treat people and the way you want to be treated. Make a decision about what you are willing to change. Because we need serious changes in this relationship if we're going to work anything out."

"Is that it?" Tentative, Jo didn't really know what this meant.

"I can wait until Sunday, we'll talk and if you can change or at least show that you're going to try to change we'll talk about trying to fix this mess. But I'm not making any promises.

Kendall walked Jo to her dorm in silence and then returned to his own to find Carlos and Logan asleep. He looked at them and felt so much jealousy. They seemed so perfect together. He just wanted to find what Carlos had with Logan. Little did he know that Carlos was wide awake as Kendall got in bed, returning that jealousy, wanting all of the love Logan was giving to Kendall.

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><p>Any reviews would be helpful, or just nice. Thanks.<p> 


	4. Let it Roll

Hokay, so, this is the fourth chapter. Here we meet my OC, Alex, and Camille. Sorry it's a little shorter than the others, but it's main function is just to introduce the girls.

That being said, you'll probably get another update soon.

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><p>As she walked through the dining hall she saw <em>him<em>. They had talked once. Kind of… he borrowed her pencil in philosophy, he never gave it back, but she didn't really care. He was so with his alternative hair and skinny jeans.

Then, like so many times before, she saw _her_, sitting with him. She had seen him so many times over the course of college, she always wanted to talk to him, but then she'd see her, clinging to his arm.

It wasn't always cutsie little coupley things either, sometimes she'd see the blonde just rip into him. She was cruel and angry. Alex would never treat him like that… well no human should treat any human like that… at least in her opinion.

Then she overheard her patronizing him yet again. Her deriding comments just burned Alex. How could anyone treat such a beautiful man like that? She looked at him, and thought that she had made eye contact for a moment. She thought… she thought he had motioned for her to keep walking and stay out of it. But that must have been in her head. Must have been. He didn't know her.

Either way, she moved on, went to the other side of the dining hall, and ate by herself. She heard some commotion, some yelling, later, but she was too lost in her thoughts for it to have any meaning. If she could have just one night, one night with him, she wouldn't waste it. She would make sure every single second was amazing, that that he knew he was worth something. She would never let him doubt that or make him feel worthless.

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><p>Jo didn't know what to do. She just stood there, shocked. Did Kendall <em>really<em> just do that? To her? Why? She was dumbstruck.

She started trying to sort through the thoughts swirling around in her head as she walked back to her dorm slowly. What did he think would come of this? She hadn't done anything wrong. She wasn't doing anything different, and he'd never said anything about the way she treated him before, so she mustn't have done anything wrong. Kendall was just being a crankypants and would get over it.

Then it was decided. It was just a stupid little outburst. The outburst was over and she as just going to move forward. Let it roll right off her back. Kendall will have cooled off by the time she gets back from visiting home anyways.

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><p>Camille sat there staring at her phone, waiting for him to text her. Logan was supposed to text her. He said he would text her, that they would hang out tonight. Her phone didn't move, it didn't ring, it didn't buzz. She kept checking it anyways.<p>

Logan was her best friend, and if she could get him to be, get him to see, he'd end up more than that. She knew that he didn't love Carlos. Not the way that she loved him. Maybe it was just because he hadn't found the right girl.

Obviously, she didn't have anything against Carlos, he was a great guy, he was just dating the guy she loved, so she was always just a little snippy with him… But even so, how could Logan actually be gay if he had such a great boyfriend and still didn't love him? So her only conclusion was that he was just confused, and she would help him figure it out… in time… eventually.

Again, she checked her phone, lying on her bed. Still nothing. She stared at her background picture, it was Logan, with his arm around her, smiling that brilliant smile. His dimples sneaking into view, and his brilliant brown eyes gazing deep into her soul. Even just this picture could paralyze her senses, she could feel him there, staring into her, knowing her whole being, and she was okay with that. She would totally give herself to him, drop all of her defenses and give him everything she could. But for now she had to wait. All she could do was anticipate his call or his text or some signal that he would spend time with her.

Eventually she fell asleep, holding her phone close to her face, still waiting for that call.

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><p>Any reviews would be helpful, or just nice. Thanks.<p> 


	5. Your Call

Just want to give a quick thank you to Ravenwashere and Marykateluvsu for reviewing, the encouragement means a lot.

Okay, here's chapter 5

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><p>When she woke up, Camille was still waiting. But now she was waiting for him to call her and explain. He must have been sick, or maybe he's angry at her. Some explanation. That's all she wanted. She could fix whatever it was; she just wanted to hear his strong, clear voice. She was almost desperate for it.<p>

She drifted back to a memory, the memory of the summer after freshman year; they drove to the beach after classes ended. Just the two of them. At that point she just saw him as a friend. Even then, though, she didn't believe he was gay, which he still to this day _claims_ he finds funny. Logan's old car only had a tape player, and it was jammed. The radio didn't work, so they listened to the same song, over and over again. It was when he started to sing along that she started to fall for him. Hearing his beautiful tone carelessly float over the recording as she sang with him made her heart swell. They eventually dubbed that "their song" and annoyed all of their friends with it regularly.

That song was how she knew she was born to love him. As he still hadn't texted her she began to realize how tired she was. Tired of being so alone. She wanted to go back to those moments when it was just the two of them. To have more moments like those. She just, she just couldn't create that. She knew she had to wait, she had to hope, and pray that he'd realize it on his own, because if she forced it, she could push him away.

But that was just about loving her, not texting her. So, eventually, she texted Logan, inquiring about getting breakfast. She'd ask about last night when she saw him. She'd act like it didn't hurt that he didn't even acknowledge that they had plans… She was a great actress.

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><p>Logan woke up, snuggled in Carlos' strong arms. He felt safe, he felt loved, he felt… guilty? He knew it wasn't fair for Carlos. But then he looked over and saw Kendall lying bed reading and all thoughts of Carlos left his mind.<p>

Carlos may have left Logan's mind, but Logan was certainly still in Carlos'. Carlos could feel the warmth of Logan's body, as his boyfriend's back pressed into his chest. He felt Logan shift slightly and he adjusted his hold, hugging Logan tighter. He felt so in love, feeling their hearts beating in unison.

Logan watched Kendall laying on top of his comforter, only wearing his underwear, his hair still a mess from sleeping. Logan couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to be there with him, flesh to flesh. He watched as Kendall's slow rhythmic breathing caused his chest to rise and fall.

Carlos listened close to Logan's breathing, shallow and calm, 'He must still be asleep', Carlos thought. He kept his eyes closed, and let Logan's breathing take over his every thought until it felt as though every breath that he took brought life into his hopes and fantasies.

Logan gazed over at the blonde boy across the room, wondering what would happen if he were to ever get up the courage to tell him. What would he have to do to win him over? 'What's your fantasy, Kendall?' Logan's mind pondered that question as Carlos' emotions took hold of him, giving Logan an ambitious kiss on the back of the neck.

"I love you." Carlos whispered his morning greeting, not knowing whether Logan was even awake.

Logan still lost in his trance, focused on Kendall, responded "I love you…" barely audibly. Carlos heard it. Carlos also knew it wasn't directed at him.

"Sometimes I feel like the only reason I was born to tell you I love you. But-" Carlos started.

"I know the feeling," Logan replied, though he wasn't even completely aware of what he was saying to Carlos. He hoped his boyfriend would just think it was because he had just woken up.

"I know…" Carlos was dejected. He knew what he needed to do, he just wasn't sure how he was going to be able to do it. He loved Logan so much, but this wasn't fair to him, and he needed to take care of himself. 'And if Logan really is the great guy that I love so much, then he won't just let me go.' Carlos thought.

Before Logan could respond Kendall looked over, "You guys are really gross. '_I love you! I love YOU. Well, I was born to love you…_' Hah! Get a room…" He mocked them, hiding his pain. Both boys threw pillows at him, playfully. "Hey!" He threw the pillows back at them, "Oh! Logan, who texted you at like 6? Really? Your nerd friends need to learn what a weekend is…"

"Apparently so do you, why were you up at 6 to know he got a text?" Carlos defended.

"Huh… it wasn't even a nerd, it was Camille… she wants to get breakfast… I bet she stayed up all night and didn't realize what time it was… Want me to see if she's still there? We can go join her."

"Sure!" Carlos immediately responded, Logan never initiated them spending any time together, so he would treasure this.

"Nah, I'm good. Love you guys, but Camille means theatre department gays, and they're a little too much for me." Kendall replied, going back to his book. Carlos pretended he didn't notice how dejected Logan looked that Kendall wasn't coming. He pretended he didn't know that Logan was really inviting Kendall to breakfast and not him.

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><p>Any reviews would be helpful, or just nice. Thanks.<p> 


	6. Why

This chapter's a little longer, I try to make sure they're each at least 1,00 words and the last two have been short, but I hope this makes up for it.

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><p>He watched as his best friend and roommate left for breakfast, they were so perfect together, and Kendall wanted that. He missed that. It wasn't always bad with Jo; they had a great relationship for a little while… He just couldn't remember when that was.<p>

Kendall pulled out his phone, about to call Jo, when he remembered their fight. He stared down at the worn buttons on his phone. Even his phone reminded him of her, of how rough their relationship is, and of how malevolent she can be.

She would never let him get away. If he wasn't near her, she could still yell at him. She would call him. If he didn't pick up, she'd text him. If he didn't respond then she'd come find him and add that to the list of problems she had that were all his fault. He had learned that the safest approach was to text, it hurt less to read it then to hear it. The numbers and letters had worn away from how much he used it.

Thinking back, he really didn't know what he was getting into when he started dating her. What made him fall for her? Why did he still love her, despite the abuse? But it was that love that made him want to fix it, and made him give her this chance, this ultimatum. He laid back in his bed, clutching his phone to his chest, reminiscing on the only time he could remember Jo being vulnerable, letting him in.

-Flash back-

Kendall wasn't sure why all of the girls in school hated Jo so much. They had had a great time on their date and he was so glad he had asked her out. As he pulled up to her house he became a little nervous about ending the date. He parked the car and got out, walked around and opened her door, offering her his hand. "M'lady…" he said, with an adorable grin.

"Why thank you kind sir!" Jo replied, with a cheesy grin. He helped her out of the car and took her arm in his and walked her across the parking lot and up the stairs toward her family's apartment. "I had a really great time with you tonight. Thanks for asking me out."

Kendall chuckled, "Well thank you for saying yes, I had a great time too." As they got closer to the door his nervousness grew. "Maybe… uh… maybe we can do it again sometime?" His voice cracked a little and he blushed.

"I would love to!" Jo said a little faster than she appeared to have meant, and Kendall thought he saw her blush a little as she gave him a sheepish smile.

When they reached the door Jo turned her back to it, facing Kendall. She put her arms around his neck and he wasn't sure whether or not to go for it. Kendall thought he had gotten his answer when Jo pulled him into a tight embrace. 'Okay, hug's not a bad sign' He thought, though his hormones wanted a little more than a hug.

When they began to pull apart from the hug Jo moved in quick, connecting their lips. A simple, tame kiss. They pulled apart but their faces remained close, eyes connected, breathing shared air. Kendall looked deep into Jo's eyes he saw a fiery passion that he wasn't expecting. They began to move in, slowly, to reconnect. Letting their hormones get what they want. Their lips were so close, they could feel each other's breath-

The door opened revealing an obviously drunk man holding a bottle of cheap vodka in his hand. He reached out, grabbing Jo by the arm and pulled her towards him. Kendall got anxious but Jo shook her head with a look telling him she was okay. "Where you been, ya little bitch?" Jo's father hiccupped, then he looked up at Kendall, "Ooo, who's this fucker? Does daddy's little girl have a new boyfriend?"

"Dad, please-", Jo tried to interrupt him, but to no avail.

"Well, I guess this means we should have a sex talk. Don't get pregnant. I'm not taking care of any babies. There. Done. As for you!" he turned to Kendall who was standing there in shock. "What are your intentions with my little girl? Are you gonna take her away from here? Cause, you can. Seriou-"

"Okay, you're done for the night." Jo stated as she took the bottle from her father and pushed him through the door. She closed and locked it, leaving him to drunkenly struggle on the other side while she remained on the porch with Kendall. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"What? No, it's fine. He seems… funny?" Kendall attempted to lighten the mood. Evidently he didn't do a good job, Jo broke down right in front of him.

Collapsed against the door, Jo began to sob, "You shouldn't have had to see that, you shouldn't have to deal with that. I didn't want you to know. It's okay if you don't want to see me again, and deal with all of this. I mean who would?"

Kendall shushed her, putting a finger to her lips. He wasn't sure what he was going to do. He really liked her, she was one of the hottest girls in school, but this was a lot to handle. But at the same time, it's a lot for her to handle, and he didn't think anyone should have to do that alone. "Hey hey hey, stop. I like you, okay? No crazy family is going to change that. Don't worry about it. I'm still here, and I'm still holding you to a second date." He tucked a finger under her chin, tilting her head up and smiled at her.

"No, it's not fair to you; you shouldn't have to deal with my life." She breathed, trying to control her tears.

He pulled her into a tight hug, and whispered into her ear, "You don't have to be alone in this. I'll be here for your, I promise, this won't come between us."

"Don't say that." Jo began to pull away in protest, but Kendall pulled her back into his arms.

"I promise. I'll be here for you if you need to vent, just let off some steam, whatever. I'm here for you. You need someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on, anything. I'm here."

- End Flashback -

Kendall froze. "I've broken all my promises to you…"

Kendall's thoughts began to run wild, he wanted to scream. He wanted to scream at himself, he wanted to scream at her. This was her fault. She forced him to break his promise. It was like she had been trying ever since. He couldn't remember a time after that when she hadn't been a bitch, but he felt connected to her, bonded in a way. She wasn't horrible at first, just rude. She didn't get truly malicious until he had told her he loved her. Until she knew she had her hooks in him. 'Why?' Kendall thought, 'Why are you doing this to me? Why is it so easy for you? Why didn't I see this coming? Why did I let it happen? Why did I fight to feel something for you when all you did was try to fight me off? Does this even matter anymore? Does anything? Why is it that everything that you feel matters to me so much? I promised you and you broke my promise. You broke it and you tried to break me, but I'm not going to break for you. I won't.'

As he settled his thoughts, Kendall began to have trouble breathing. He made the decision that Jo didn't have the power anymore. No matter what her decision is going to be he's made his. They're done.

"Hey, what's wrong? What's going on?" Kendall had been so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even realize that Logan had come back, or that tears were streaming down his face. "Are you okay? Can I do anything?" Logan had never seen Kendall so upset. In fact he had never really seen Kendall upset.

"It's nothing… I just… I think I have to break up with Jo…" Kendall began as Logan sat down on the edge of his bed. He explained how Jo had treated him through the relationship, and told Logan the types of things she would say to him. He told Logan things he knew and things he didn't know. He described that Jo's had a hard life and how he used to use that to excuse her behavior. He added the incident at the dining hall, and the ultimatum he had given her.

Logan didn't know how to take all of the information. This was really happening, Kendall was finally realizing that Jo wasn't good enough for him, that she didn't treat him well. He was going to break up with her! But even with all of that excitement, the boy he had such strong feelings for, who was right in front of him was so sad, and he just didn't know how to handle that. He couldn't do anything to comfort him, and that was killing him a little.

"Wow… I mean, I knew that she treated you bad, but that's worse than I ever thought. You must have felt so alone…" Logan tried to comfort the blonde. He just wanted to see those beautiful emerald eyes full of life again, not puffy and bloodshot.

Kendall gave him a half-hearted smile and said, "I mean… I feel a little better now… Thanks for letting me vent. You're a great guy. Carlos is lucky." He wrapped his arm around Logan's shoulders and gave him a squeeze. "Thanks for being a great roommate, Buddy. I think I'm gonna go shower off all these emotions now… I feel like a woman."

"Hah... yeah…" Logan was stuck. He had been so excited upon realizing Kendall was now single until he called Logan, "Buddy?" he said it out loud, still stunned. He slowly came to the realization he was in the friend zone. Kendall is still straight. Logan still has to find a way to make Kendall feel the way he feels. And now instead of just competing with a bitch he's going to have to compete with every girl the blonde meets. This wouldn't be easy.

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><p>Any reviews would be helpful, or just nice. Thanks.<p> 


	7. Tested and True

Sorry that this chapter took so long to get out. I just haven't felt like writing, I'mma try and get a few updates out quickly to compensate, so keep a look out… the two or three of you who are reading this…

Don't worry the girls are coming back soon, I know they've been gone for a while, but they'll be back. This chapter is pretty much all Carlos, but the next one will be all Jo.

Here's Chapter 7:

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><p>Carlos was a little caught off guard when he got a text from Logan that said, "I need you-". That is, until he read the rest of it "-'re help with Kendall." Then he remembered. Then he felt that same recurring pain he'd felt for a few days now.<p>

He was beginning to resent Kendall. He knew it wasn't right, his best friend wasn't doing anything to try to steal his boyfriend. In fact, he didn't even know what was happening, nor would he feel the same way… He kept going over these thoughts as he walked over to their dorm, trying to make sure he was able to be the best friend he was called over to be, though not sure why.

Carlos walked through the door and saw Logan with his arms wrapped around Kendall's shoulders. Carlos didn't- no couldn't think, he grabbed Logan, he needed to prove that there was something there. He just had to, so he kissed Logan. The most passionate kiss he could muster. He wrapped his arms around Logan and pulled him down into a Hollywood kiss. Their lips connecting, sending electricity through Carlos. He shot his tongue into Logan's mouth, thinking that Logan was reciprocating, but the movement of Logan's lips was quickly realized to be struggle as Logan bit the intruding tongue to get it out of his mouth, and was promptly dropped on the floor.

"What the fuck?" both boys exclaimed in unison looking at each other warily.

"I just-" Carlos started.

"Can't you see your best friend is heartbroken? And you're just going to shove your happiness in his face? Carlos, come on!" Logan quickly interrupted.

Carlos looked from Logan to Kendall, curled on his bed, expecting to see him laughing at the shenanigans that had just unfolded but just saw him staring off into space with a depressed look on his face. "Wha… I just… I just wanted to prove something… a superstition?" He tried to come up with some reason for his behavior, but his excuse was inhibited by the concern he had for Kendall, "What happened to him?"

"Carlos, I don't believe in superstitions. They're stupid. And… Kendall has decided to break up with Jo. We were talking about it, then he went and took a shower, then he came back and we talked a little more and then he sorta shut down… I don't know what's going on, but it's freaking me out." Logan answered, unquestioning Carlos' lame attempt at an explanation.

"Oh. Well, this is thinking Kendall. You know how he always has a plan? Well that's because he has to, he can't function without one. So when he can't come up with one, he goes into this… this. And works one out. He's fine. He probably realized that he didn't know how to get rid of her…" Then Carlos turned to Kendall, rested his hand on Kendall's back, "Proud of you buddy, I know you liked her, but I'm glad you're finally getting rid of the old ball and chain. I'll talk to you more about this later when you will actually listen to me." His tone was light and jovial. Carlos was excited to get Kendall back. The old Kendall.

"Seriously?" Logan looked flabbergasted.

"Yeah, wanna go get dinner? He'll probably be like this when we get back. Unless he comes up with something, so it's not like we need to worry. It's corndog night in the dining hall… PLEASE!" Carlos said, trying to pull Logan's focus, both literally and figuratively away from Kendall.

"You go. I'm not really hungry. I wanna make sure you're right about this too, make sure he didn't break."

Disappointed, Carlos turned to the door, "Right, what would I know, we've only been best friends for our whole lives. I wouldn't know anything about him. He hasn't done this several times before either. No, that would just make too much sense." Carlos expected, wanted, needed Logan to change his mind and go with him. For his boyfriend to, for once, chose him over the blonde. It didn't happen. He didn't even get a response. Not even a goodbye. Logan just let him walk out the door without another word.

As Carlos walked he began to lose his appetite. That never happened, especially not on corndog night. He started thinking about Logan, about their relationship.

'_He's probably wondering what I was trying to prove… Well, I wish he was wondering that. I wish he was thinking about me at all…_'

Carlos looked up at the dining hall when he got there. He turned on his heels and headed down the road, and began walking aimlessly around campus.

'_Am I alone in this relationship? Seriously, I feel like I am more lonely when I'm around him. I just want him to let me in. I know that I can love him if he would let me. Is he choosing not to let me in? No. I can't think that. I can't be losing him. Not tonight. But am I? Is it over?_'

He shook his head, '_No, I've never wanted anything the way that I want him. But then… When he looks at me all I can see are the lies he's forming. The lies that he loves me. The lies that I'm the one he cares about. Nothing I say matters, nothing I do changes that…_'

Carlos was gazing at the moon, he didn't know when it had gotten this dark, or when the moon had come out, but the moonlight was bright and the moon looked so close and big. '_I'd give almost anything for him to show up here, have him find me and just take my hand and walk with me under the moonlight. I want to share this romantic sight with him, but… he won't. He can't, he's too busy making sure MY best friend is okay. If I tell you he's okay, he's okay. I know him better than you! But no, my words don't matter, because I don't matter. Well, now he's had his chance. I guess I'll just have to show him what he's missing. I'll be waiting for you to notice, and you will. My words may not matter, but I'd rather have you. Even if I have to test you…_'

Carlos began to feel a little like Kendall, as he formed a plan of his own.

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><p>Any reviews would be helpful, or just nice. Thanks.<p>

'


	8. Fall for You

Thanks to Ravenwashere for the review, sorry you'll have to wait until the next chapter to find out…

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><p>Driving back to school, Jo started to think about the text she had gotten from Kendall earlier about having that talk he demanded on Friday. She was starting to think that this hadn't just been an outburst. Kendall was serious. Jo was nervous.<p>

She thought over the past few years, all of the fighting… Was that really what she wanted? Why had she been such a bitch? '_I won't fight with him. I'll see him tonight and I won't fight with him. It'll be the best thing. Tonight we're not fighting. We've done that before… right?_'

She reflected on how she had been treating him, on how he treated her. He always loved her, he took care of her. She just treated him like crap. He loved her and she just took it and gave nothing in return. '_I know he doesn't think I'm trying… I must have worn him down so much, I broke him… But I'll fix it. I will._'

Just when she started to feel more determined than ever the memories started to flood back, filling her with insecurities. She watched herself tear into him, blaming him for his dad leaving him, trying, actually trying to make him feel like shit! '_How could I treat someone like that? Am I really that screwed up? I must be. I have to be. There's no other reason than I am a complete nut case. When did I fall apart? How did I fall apart? Why did I fall apart?_

'_I was so strong before. I didn't let my dad ruin me. I took care of myself and didn't let anyone know… see what I was feeling. I was a brick wall. What changed? I mean, Kendall. Kendall saved me. He swooped in, like a fucking white knight and saved me. He saved me and I let him in. I let myself care about him, and I let him care about me. He gave me everything I needed through my life, and I through that in his face. I treated him like dad treats me. Is that all I know? I just… I just can't love. That must be it._'

The thoughts filled her mind, they crept into her heart. It was a lonely, empty feeling. A darkness started to come over her. She would never be able to love, because she had never learned what that meant.

Jo's grip on the steering wheel tightened, bleaching her knuckles. She could love. She loved Kendall. She did. She loved him from their first date. She knew that. She could love, she had just lost her way. Taking in a deep breath, Jo made the decision, '_Tonight I will love you, Kendall Knight. I will fall for you all over again. I'm not going to give up. I'm going to fix this. I know I've hurt you, I've done terrible things… but you gave me the choice, the chance to fix things. I won't waste it. I won't._'

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><p>She had just finished unpacking her stuff when there was a knock on the door. Jo answered it without checking to see who it was. She was so excited, so eager to tell Kendall about her revelation and her decision to try to fix things. When she opened the door her heart dropped, Kendall's normal smirk was cast into a dark, deep frown, his usual electric, bright emerald eyes were cloudy and swollen, lost in a far off sadness.<p>

"Before you say anything, I want to tell you that I changed my mind. I don-" Kendall started.

"No! don't change your mind you were right I-" Jo tried to interrupt. She needed to tell him that he was right, he shouldn't change his mind. He shouldn't continue on with the relationship the way it is. She did need to change and she was going to. But Kendall didn't let her.

"No, Jo! I won't let you talk me out of this. Just let me say this…" He paused looking to her for confirmation that she would not interrupt again. She offered him the chance to speak while trying to usher him inside.

"I'd rather not come in. I just… well. I changed my mind. I've been thinking about it a lot. I know that we have been through a lot. And I know that you have been through a lot. BUT, I can't spend my life being treated the way you treat me."

"I know! I-"

"I thought you were going to let me finished!" Kendall glared at her, the distance in his eyes zooming closer to the here and now, murky clouds bursting into angry flames.

"Jo, we're done. I thought it would get better. I stayed with you for more than four years! We're twenty one. I'm not dealing with it anymore. I know I said I'd let you decide whether you could change, but I can't leave that up to you. I can't trust you with my happiness, or anything for that matter. I won't let you suck me in again. You hurt me too many times, and you've manipulated me too many times for me to believe you can change. I made my decision. You and I are done."

She stood there, frozen. Everything she had realized that day flooding over her. She tried to speak to explain, to try to make him stay, but she didn't even know what she was saying. Words spewed from her mouth, none of them forming any coherent thoughts or explaining anything. She started to cry turning her ramblings into mumbles struggling to break through sobs. She reached out to pull him in to her, grabbing at his shirt but he slapped her hands away.

"No. You can't manipulate me with this… this show. I'm not going to deal with your shit anymore. I can't handle it. And you can't handle being in a relationship or caring about anyone else but yourself. I loved you, and you never loved me back. So now I'm done. I don't love you anymore and I can't fathom ever even trying to love you again. I hope I never have to see you again." Kendall took a deep breath and turned to leave.

Jo watching his blurry figure walk away through tear filled eyes. She had ruined it. "I love you…" she managed to sob, all too late. He was gone. She wanted to chase him, she wanted to tell him that she could fix things, but she was defeated. She sat there replaying the image of him taking that last breath and turning his back to her. She wanted to be that breath, to be something that brought him life, that sustained him. She wanted to be there for him like he had been there for her since their first date.

As Kendall walked down the hall he felt like a weight had been lifted. There was a light, fluttery feeling in his chest. He was free. He was free and he could be happy again.

Jo stood up. She wiped the slowing tears from her eyes and tried to control her breathing. Closing the door she said to herself, "I'll make you forget those words. You'll remember me, and when you think back to tonight it'll just be a bad memory. A boy like you is hard… no impossible to find and I can't live without you. So I'll get you to love me again… I swear it. You'll fall for me again or I won't live…" Jo walked back to her bed, lying down trying to think of ways to win Kendall back.

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><p>Any reviews would be helpful, or just nice. Thanks.<p> 


	9. Broken

Wow three updates in three days. I'm on a roll. Haha, here you go.

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><p>Carlos took a deep breath as he walked toward the door. He was risking a lot with this plan. He wished he could have talked to Kendall about it, gotten some advice from the plan mastermind. But he couldn't. Kendall had been otherwise occupied all day, so Carlos had to hope that he had soaked up some of Kendall's planning talents over the years.<p>

Opening the door revealed that face, those chocolate brown eyes, the gorgeous smile accented with adorable dimples. Carlos smiled at his boyfriend, before he could catch himself. Logan is just too cute, but Carlos shook himself mentally and reasserted his plan in his mind. "Hey…"

"Hey! How was your day?" Logan leaned in to give Carlos a small kiss but was caught off guard when Carlos just stood there.

"We uh… we need to talk." Carlos made Logan nervous.

"What's up?" He replied, trying to sound nonchalant but failing to hide his anxiety as his voice hitched. "Is everything okay?"

"I don't know… you tell me. I… I really love you a lot," Carlos started to realize his plan was going to be more difficult than he thought, "but… I just… Do you?"

"I'm sorry Carlitos, you're gonna have to give me more than that… Do I what?"

"Do you love me?" The words rushed from his mouth faster than he meant. This wasn't how the plan was supposed to go. He was supposed to get Logan to tell him without asking. He was supposed to make Logan realize it for himself, not pull him into it. He wasn't supposed to be trying to convince him.

"Of course I do!" Logan said reflexively, not even realizing that he honestly meant it. "I love you, Carlos Roberto Garcia. Why would you have to ask that?"

Well shit. Now he's stuck going down this path. Carlos took a deep breath before he answered, "Well… I feel like we've been really distant. Even when we're together I don't feel like you're there with me. It just feels like your mind is somewhere else and all you can focus on is Ke- uh… other things…"

"Carlos, what was that? I'm here with you now, aren't I?" Logan began to hear the pleading tone in his voice, and he wasn't sure he understood it.

"I just. It was nothing. And yes. You're here NOW, but what about the past week? Any time I've tried to spend time with you you've blown me off or you spend the whole time talking about… other things…" There it was again, Carlos was having trouble finding ways around calling out his boyfriend's feelings for his best friend.

"Okay, seriously. What 'other things' are you talking about… or am I talking about? Just tell me, I'll stop. I didn't know I was doing something to bother you." Logan was surprised by how much honesty he felt behind his own words. He couldn't figure out why, he knew he should already feel this way, it shouldn't be a surprise. He loved Carlos. He loves Carlos, and no thoughts of Kendall were anywhere near his mind.

"It's just, well." Here goes nothing, "Kendall. Kendall is the other things. You blow me off for him. You constantly talk about him. You worry about him. You blow off your friends for him! You won't even do that for me, but you do that for him. I'm not saying I want you to do that for me, it's just… You love him… I mean… do you?"

"Wha…" Logan stopped. He was shocked, his feelings for Kendall coming to the front of his mind. He was in love with Carlos. He knew that. Right then in that moment he knew that. But he had feelings for Kendall, he knew that too. The look of confusion that was plastered on his face turned downward as he quickly tried to sort out what he was feeling.

"I knew it. Logan," his voice soft, Carlos tried to lift up Logan's head to face him, "I love you. I love the way even with only the moonlight through the window your face glows. I love the way your smile shines like a thousand diamonds. I love the way your fluffy hair just barely moves in the breeze. Nothing, not even this can stop that."

"I…"Logan started, but couldn't find the words.

Carlos continued, "When I look in your eyes I'm at peace. I know that I belong with you, but I need to know that you feel the same way. I need you to know that you feel the same way. What do I need to do to work this out? Can we work this out?"

After a long pause, "Logan, you look ready to break, just tell me…" Logan shook his head, turning away. "No! don't look away, don't cut me out. Please just talk to me, Logan!" Carlos was beginning to feel frantic, this wasn't how this was supposed to go at all, and this was not the response he had hoped for.

"I just… need some time." Logan said quietly, staring out the window.

"Time? Time for what? I thought…" Carlos could feel tears forming in his eyes, but he was refusing to let them fall.

"I just need a little time to figure out what's in my head. I didn't really realize it. This. Whatever it is. The feelings I have for you are real. I just never put them together with Kendall. I never connected the two… I guess… I do have feelings for him." Logan was more talking to himself than to Carlos by the time he finished.

"So what's going to happen? What does this mean?" Carlos didn't like where his plan had led. He had failed, and he didn't know what to do about it.

"I think I need some time alone. Some time to focus on myself and sort out my shit…" Logan said, finally turning to look at Carlos.

"Alone? Like a break?" Carlos was stunned, he could feel the tears flowing down his cheeks and he made no attempt to stop them.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you. I really don't, but I can't be with you and sort out my feelings at the same time!" Logan was dying, making Carlos cry, he felt like he kicked a puppy.

"Fine." Carlos said. He pushed himself up, led Logan out the door, then closed it. He couldn't look at him anymore.

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><p>As Kendall got back to his dorm his feeling of freedom was fading. He began to feel a strange emptiness, a lonely feeling. It was peaceful, but still disheartening. With his adrenaline high gone he began to feel guilty about what he had said. He stared out the window gazing at the fading sunlight. The sky was a rich scale of brilliant colors ranging from deep reds to intense orange to brilliant pinks culminating in a silent purple.<p>

As he gazed at the sunset it brought him back to a time with Jo, early in their relationship. Sitting on the beach, watching the sunset. It was his family's summer vacation, they went to LA and he and Jo had snuck off to the beach one night. He remembered the way the setting sun seemed to blend into the ocean, turning the water a bright gold, seeming to become one entity. They got up and wandered toward the water, to stand, barefooted, in the shallow tide. As they felt the cool water wash over their feet, they turned to each other, their eyes meeting, and felt as though their souls connected.

The sun dropped behind some trees, pulling Kendall out of the trance he was in, and he began to wonder what Jo's answer would have been. What would she have said- or done if he had given her the chance? He wouldn't ever know, he would never have been able to trust anything she said anyways.

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><p>Jo stared at the sunset, remembering that same moment. In her mind she traveled back there. In her mind this was her chance. She knew that that was the moment she would have to recreate to be able to win him back. Standing across from each other, gazing into each other, connected at the deepest level they could have ever been. That would be her chance. But she wondered, '<em>If I asked you to stay… would you? Would you tell me, you would be mine? You've been crying too long, and everything we are- were… everything we were is stained with your tears.<em>'

She looked up to see the sun had set. Her moment passed, she gazed up at the moon. All she could see was Kendall's bright green eyes staring back at her.

'_Are we broken beyond repair? Can we work it out?_' Her confidence fading. '_The look in your eyes, when you came here… You were ready to break. I just... I can't let you look away. I need those eyes to look at me again. I need you. I won't break you. I won't._'

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><p>Kendall closed his eyes, laying back on his bed. '<em>It won't work out. You broke me. Or at least… you tried to. I know that you were breaking too, but that's all you cared about, and I can't save you if it means you'll break me.<em>'

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><p>Don't worry, we've still got a long way to go before the story ends. Next time we'll get another meeting with my OC.<p>

As always, reviews are welcome, helpful, and encouraging. Thanks.


	10. Reach for the Sky

Sorry for the wait, my bad. I got lazy.

I know they've been gone for a while but Alex is back in this chapter and Camille will come back soon. Don't worry.

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><p>Walking around campus aimlessly wasn't helping Kendall clear his head. He had been wandering around for hours, finally giving up and sitting down on a random bench.<p>

She looked over and saw him sitting alone. He was a mess; bloodshot eyes, messy hair, wrinkled clothes, and he was shaking a little. Alex could tell that he was torn up inside, and it was killing her. She didn't really believe that she could feel this strong for someone she'd never met but she knew she had to figure that out so she mustered up all of her courage and walked over to share his bench.

"Hi. Are you okay? Cause, you don't look okay… I mean, not that you look bad, you just look upset and I wanted to see if you were okay. Upset, not bad. You're actually really cute. And I said that out loud… Now I'm a creep." She rambled aimlessly, all of her courage had faded the instant she started talking and she just hoped he would stop her.

"Kinda…" Kendall mumbled.

"What?"

"Yeah, you kinda are a creep…" He let out a light, horse chuckle, "Do I know you or did you just come talk to me 'cause I'm cute?" He managed a small smirk.

"You caught that. I was hoping that that had only snuck out in my head and wasn't out loud…" Alex began to relax a little, the blonde had such a calming presence. "I mean, it's a plus, but I've seen you around campus before and you're usually so happy, but then I saw you here and it just seemed like you weren't… I just felt the urge to fix that."

"Thanks?" Kendall wasn't sure how to respond, "I'll be fine though. I am flattered to know I have a creepy stalker." Kendall meant it as a joke but she obviously didn't take it as one.

"No no! I wasn't stalking you, I just see you around campus sometimes and I just-"

"I was joking! It was just a joke, calm down." He interrupted her babbling, "What's your name, creepster?"

"I… Um… Alex? What's yours?"

"You sure about that? Haha!" Kendall playfully mocked her shy uneasiness. "What you don't know my name already? What kind of stalker are you?"

"I really don't stalk you…" she pleaded.

"I know. I'm Kendall. It's nice to meet you Alex." Kendall truly meant that, meeting her was the perfect distraction. He had completely gotten Jo out of his mind.

Well, he had until she asked, "So why so sad? Do you want to talk about it? Sometimes telling a stranger can help. You know outside, unbiased opinions."

Kendall's head spun, he was back to thinking about Jo. He struggled to keep the temporary mood shift going, trying to ride the high this Alex girl had given him a little longer, "Unbiased? You already told me you think I'm cute. How will you remain unbiased?"

"Just 'cause you're cute doesn't mean you can't be a jerk. So just tell me." She said, feeling so comfortable so quickly.

"Ouch! Alright, well…" Kendall was a little apprehensive, but he figured he would probably never have to see this girl again so why not just vent to her. If she judges him that's fine, she's not significant in his life. "I uh… I just broke up with my girlfriend of a little more than four years. I just… I feel horrible, I know that I really hurt her but I just… I can't be with her."

"What happened?"

Kendall was surprised that that was the only response that she gave. "Well, I told her last week that I wanted her to think about the way she treats me over the weekend. And then tell me if she still wants to be with me when she got back last night, but then I thought about it more and I just couldn't do it anymore. So I took back that chance I gave her and dumped her before I even heard her out and now I feel terrible."

"Well, how did she treat you? What was so bad that you couldn't take it anymore?" Alex knew the answer. Hell, half of campus knew the answer, everyone had heard Jo scream at him or publicly berate him, but Alex felt that Kendall needed to say it out loud.

"She was really mean. She would just treat me like shit all the time, she would say things she knew would hurt me just because it made her feel good to make me feel bad. She yelled at me all the time, and I just took it…" Kendall trailed off in thought.

"Oh! That loud bitch who yells at her boyfriend all over campus was your girlfriend? Rough…" Alex tried to pull him out of the deep thought he had sunken into, "It sounds like a pretty simple case, so why are you so conflicted? She treated you like shit and you stopped letting her. That's a good thing."

"No but… She… Her dad is… I promised I would never leave her. I promised that I would protect her and take care of her and not let any of the shit that she's had to deal with through her life affect us. And now I did…" He felt like he was defending Jo. He hated that he still felt the need to.

"It sounds more like she let whatever stuff she had in her life affect your relationship. Not you, you just responded to the way she treated you."

"Wait, all over campus? People talked about how she treated me?" Kendall felt his ears burning as embarrassment flooded over him.

"Oh! Um… well, yeah, kinda… It was more of people talking about how she's a horrid bitch and no one understanding how her boyfriend could stand being treated like that… I never thought of it as anything but admiration for how strong you must be to have dealt with that…"

"Great, the whole campus pities me. Hah! Thanks Jo! You ruined one more thing in my life." Kendall felt emotions building up behind his eyes, but he wasn't about to cry in front of this stranger.

Alex took a deep breath, she hadn't meant for this to make him feel worse, "Listen, you can't beat yourself up about this. You'll waste away to nothing. You seem like such a great guy, and the few times I've gotten you to smile today, and all the times I've seen you smile while I stalked you around campus, you just seemed to shine. You can't let this, let her make your shine fade to a dull gray. You can say that you're fine, but I can see that you're not. You spent so much time, what four years? You said you spent four years with her and she treated you like crap for how long?"

"Most of it." Was all he could get out before she continued.

"So for about four years she treated you like crap and you lived with it, you pretended to be happy because you loved her, and you promised her you would. Basically, you lived a lie just because you thought you promised her you would? That's crap. At some point you have to realize that you have to take care of yourself. And if she really did care about you she wouldn't have ever treated you like that. She would have loved you and wanted the best for you. There is no excuse for treating someone like that. Especially someone you love, or someone as great as you. I just don't understand how you could think you've done anything wrong. It's like you don't believe in yourself and that makes me sad."

"I mean, I obviously don't have much to believe in since I let her treat me like that for four fucking years." Kendall understood that she was just trying to affirm his actions for him, but he was starting to think back to how he had just let Jo treat him like that. It made him feel so weak.

Seeming to understand, Alex responded, "How could you say that? You let her do that, you took care of her! You showed how strong you are! You dealt with how she treated you because you loved her, you cared for her and you wanted to help her. You said she had shit in her life, well you showed how strong you are, because in the face of such adamant adversity you still tried to help her. That's strength of will, strength of character, and the strength of your heart! That strength is so obvious to everyone who looks at you, you radiate it. When I saw you sitting here and I couldn't see that anymore I knew I had to talk to you. You can't let her take away your strength. I wish I could give that back to you, lift you up and open your eyes, but you have to do that for yourself. I'm sure you have friends who would love to be there for you. I know you're not alone. And even if you don't think that they can be there for you, I will be. You know, just turn around, I'm probably lurking somewhere, just casually stalking…"

Kendall smiled at her. Her words warmed him up, her honesty complimented by her sense of humor. He struggled to comprehend how a stranger could do this. "People like you give me hope that there is still some good in the world. Haha!"

Alex was caught by the offhand comment, "What do you mean?"

"You just stopped to help a stranger who was sad. Most people would just look at me and make some comment to someone about it later and never think of it again. You're a really good person, Creepster." Kendall looked her straight in the eye, the sparkle starting to return to his emerald eyes.

"I don't know how I feel about that nickname…" she mumbled.

"You'll get used to it." Kendall patted her on the back.

"Oh really?" Alex was a mix of confused and excited, "Are we friends now?"

"Well, we'll see. I was counting on the unbiased stranger thing in the beginning, but after hearing how great you think I am, I feel like we kinda have to be friends." Kendall felt a spark inside. The seeds of rebirth sprouting as he started to move forward from Jo, and decided to move on.

"I can deal with that." Alex smiled as she took in everything that had just happened. She had finally talked to him. Now they were friends? What? She struggled to keep herself calm, she didn't want to weird him out.

"Me too, Creepster, me too."

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><p>Reveiws?<p> 


	11. Like a Knife

I'm sorry I've been gone for so long. But I'm going to try to get out a chapter a week.

Every character will be back in the next chapter, for those of you who have been asking where Camille went…

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><p>The water got cold a while ago. She isn't sure how long she's been sitting on the floor of the shower but the stinging droplets don't even faze Jo at this point. Completely broken, all she can do is think about Kendall. How she treated him, how many signs that this was coming she ignored.<p>

She thinks back to a time she was reaming into him. He had found three of his sweatshirts in her room and was taking them back with him. His shirts. His. But in Jo's mind they were hers. Everything that was his was hers. So she got mad at him for taking away the sweatshirts and started screaming at him. It quickly became nonsense, she was just yelling to hear herself yell.

She started to lay into him about how she was his girlfriend so he should want her to have all of his things and should want to give her everything and then started to list things that he should want to give her, lavish things that not only could he not afford but looking back Jo knows there is no way she could have deserved the gifts she had demanded.

The part of this memory that stuck out was what Kendall said. Quiet and shaking, He stared at the ground, "The worlds not just yours for the taking, Jo. You can't have everything. Sorry." And then he just left. He dropped the sweatshirts on her floor and left.

She begins to sob, her warm tears contrasting with the freezing water that's coursing all over her body. '_I'm not good enough for you…_ _I know I'm not, but I need you! I need you to stay with me. I need you to come back to me. _'

A pounding on the bathroom door jolts her back to the present, "Hey, are you okay in there? You've been in there a long time… you're not dead are you?" Her roommate asks her, "'cause if not then you gotta get outta there, I've had to pee for like three years. Please?"

"Sorry, I'll be out in a sec…" is all she can choke out. Jo picks herself up and lightly towels off before she steps out of the shower. Quickly wrapping the towel around her body she leaves the bathroom behind before realizing how much of a wreck she has become.

'_How long was I in there? What am I becoming? I'm just wasting away here. Kendall's gone and now I'm just wasting away to nothing. Great… He walks out of my life and I'm left broken and scarred._' Self-deprecating thoughts filling her mind, Jo can't stand it and she starts to cry again.

'_All I have to do is help you find that feeling, the love that you had for me. I just need you to remember… I need you. I'm falling apart here. I can't even breathe without you._' She continues to sob, lying naked and wet on her bed with her wet towel wrapped around her, and no hope left in her.

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><p>The events of the previous evening keep replaying in his mind. Carlos can't stop them. All he can think is how this isn't right. This isn't how it's supposed to end. Goodbyes are big. They're huge moments in a life, they're two people in pouring down rain yelling at each other. They're not whatever it was that just happened. It was so quick, there was no resolution. There has to be more.<p>

He hasn't ventured out of his room more than once all day. He started down the hallway this morning but everything reminded him of Logan. Everything was full of memories of those dimples, that crooked smile, his dazzling eyes, or of Carlos being alone… again… because Logan just happened to have something more important to do in his room coincidentally at the same time Kendall would be there.

'_All I want to do is love you… Why can't you just let me do that?_' he thinks, but quickly defeats himself because he knows it's his fault this happened. He brought it up. He made Logan realize. He's the one to blame, '_Logan's gone because I pushed him out the door._'

He remembers Logan's words, _"I think I need some time alone. Some time to focus on myself and sort out my shit… I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you. I really don't, but I can't be with you…"_ These words that tore into him like a knife, and left him wounded.

Shifting at his desk, Carlos decided to shift his mindset. '_I'm not living like this,_' he decided, '_I thought I had it figured out, but what do I know? You left. You left and you broke me. This will scar me, but eventually these words will lose their meaning. I'll let go of what I held on to, what I thought we were holding on to together. You walked out of my life, but I'm not going to let that end my life.'_

With that Carlos picked himself up and walked out of his room, looking for something to do.

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><p>Thanks for reading, I'd love a review.<p> 


	12. End

Not the end of the story, just the name of the chapter. No worries.

Also, sorry for the wait, but this is officially my longest chapter so far, so hopefully that makes up for it.

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><p>The loud buzz of his phone vibrating against his desk startled Kendall. He was so engrossed in the paper he was writing he had forgotten about the rest of the world. Shifting around on his bed, he reached for his phone seeing the text was from "Creepster" and he smiled.<p>

The feeling he got made him pause. Was this okay? It had only been a few days since he ended things with Jo, and he wasn't sure if it was okay for him to move on this fast. Letting the guilt crept over him slowly, he opened the message to see what it said.

His excited mood's sudden shift to uneasiness made Kendall a little lightheaded. He looked down at his phone, [Wanna get some dinner?]

He didn't know how to respond… How could he go with Alex to dinner if he was still feeling guilty about Jo. Well, not even Jo. He knew that that was the right thing to do, but he felt guilty about the prospect of moving on so fast…

At the same time, what was he feeling guilty from moving on for? He shouldn't feel guilty about being able to get past being treated like crap. He should be able to do that.

Then again, he would feel horrible it Jo was able to just move on right away. Does the way she treated him really justify him doing that to her?

Kendall's inner turmoil continued like this for a while until he was just mindlessly staring down at his phone. He let out a deep sigh and responded to the text.

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><p>Kendall was a black hole sucking in all of his attention. Logan was trying to study for some mid-term, he couldn't even remember which one because of how intoxicating Kendall was while he was focused on his paper.<p>

Soon Logan realized he was staring at his roommate. He was glad that Kendall hadn't realized, he didn't want things to get any weirder. Since he and Carlos broke up the other night, Kendall had been a little awkward, probably because neither he nor Carlos would tell Kendall why they had decided to take a break.

Logan thought that it made his roommate feel like he needed to pick sides, and he knew that meant that things between them would be strained, but they hadn't been bad. It was probably because Carlos was being weird to Kendall, not that Logan could blame him… But, Carlos' distancing himself from Kendall had pushed Kendall from his corner and into more neutral territory.

The thought about sharing Kendall with Carlos gave Logan a weird feeling. He didn't like the idea, but wasn't sure why. Was it just that he didn't want to share Kendall or that he didn't want anyone else to be more important than himself in Carlos' life?

He tried to pull his mind back to his notes, to refocus. He was in college to get a degree, not a husband, so he needed to focus more on his studies, but reading about different injuries and how the parts of the body heal or develop just brought Carlos back into the forefront of his mind.

Each time he'd get to an injury that Carlos has had he'd picture that cute face, and remember the boy showing him the scars from it, or rushing him to the hospital because it happened while they were together. It was the thing that terrified Logan about his boyfriend ex-boyfriend the most, but also something that he loved. Carlos was so adventurous and spirited, he never stopped, he never hesitated. He contrasted Logan's methodological approach so well and they complimented each other so well. Logan got a warm feeling in his chest just thinking about it.

Then he looked up and saw Kendall looking down at his phone. He felt a sharp pain replace the warmth that had just blossomed. He had pushed Carlos away. He had, because he has some sort of feelings for Kendall. The problem was he would never really actually figure those out without actually talking to Kendall about them…

He knew he needed to tell Kendall, but that was the most terrifying thing he could think of. What if he got shot down? He would probably get shot down. _'It's too late now. I gave up the security of a love that I knew I could have because of this. I have to do this. I have to go for it and tell him. I have too. I just need a few moments of courage and I can do it. Just enough to say it. Then I can return to my nerd shell and leave the bravery to the real heroes.'_ Logan thought to himself.

He mustered up all of his courage, took a deep breath, placed his notes down on his desk, and turned to look at Kendall…'s empty bed.

"Seeya Logster!" Was the only glimpse of Kendall he got as the door closed.

Logan's courage faltered and he was instantly unsure if he would be able to build up that much determination again. Despite that his nervousness was alleviated and he let out a sigh of relief.

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><p>Through bloodshot eyes she saw him walking up the sidewalk outside her window. He flipped his golden hair. She longed to run her fingers through that hair one more time.<p>

The tears started to come back as Jo began to think about how she would never get to brush the hair out of his face and gaze into his soul-filled eyes.

Her eyes stung. She had been crying so much that her throat was sore, and she was having trouble breathing. She felt like she was drowning. She thought she was drowning in her emotions.

"please… please k-Kendall… don't let me drown…" she murmured, running her hand down the windowpane. But he couldn't hear her. He didn't even know she was watching. He just kept walking, and soon he was out of sight. He had once been her knight in shining armor, but now he was just Kendall Knight, and he wasn't going to come save her from drowning.

At that, Jo leaned off her bed and opened the minifridge, pulling out the vodka. _'If I'm gonna drown, I might as well do it in something that takes the pain away…'_ she thought taking a swig from the bottle.

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><p>She should be angry. She should at least be frustrated. Logan hadn't talked to her in days. But Camille was just too excited to have him ask her to hang out. Logan needed someone to talk to. He needed someone and she was the one he thought of. She was his first choice. The fact that Logan needed her was overwhelming and replaced the overwhelming feelings of dejection she had felt mere moments ago, leaving those to just be whelming.<p>

She was out the door faster than she could respond to the text that she was on her way. Camille was especially boosted because Logan had recently changed his status on facebook, no longer listed as "in a relationship". Was that what he wanted to talk about? It must be. The fantasies of him telling her he had finally realized that he was attracted to women too, and was in love with her, not Carlos.

The fantasies moved her feet faster. It felt like she was being lifted off the ground, floating to him. She was floating, and it was marvelous.

She was about halfway there when she got a text from Logan; [Thanks, I could really use a friend right now. 3]. Wait…friend? Suddenly she wasn't floating anymore. She was dropped into a dark abyss, she could almost hear the splash as she mentally sank down beneath the current of the fantasies that carried her moments ago.

She struggled to get her head back above the surface, but her heart was still submerged in doubt. She convinced herself that there was still a possibility. All she needs to do is talk to him. That's it. She's done waiting. She's going to tell him how she feels and he's going to either love her or she's going to move on. What's the worst that could happen?

She began to walk towards his dorm with a new sense of determination. "Logan Mitchell, you better not let me drown," she said to herself.

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><p>[Sure, I would love a nice, friendly dinner! I'll come to you and then we can head to the d-hall.]<p>

Alex stared at her phone for more than a few moments before she figured out how to process this.

"Friendly"? That was intentionally placed. But why? She could only think of two possible reasons. One, she had pushed too hard and actually creeped him out, or two, he was just not ready for a relationship and making her aware of this.

She knew it was probably the latter. Why would he agree to go to dinner with her if he was creeped out? But still the thought was running rampant in her mind. Had she pushed too hard already?

No. No no no. She refused to be that crazy girl. She was not going to worry about a relationship before it even happened. She was just going to be his friend. Just friends. She could do that. Friends with Kendall. Friends with those green eyes. Friends with that great sense of humor, that cute hair-flip, that strong personality, that beautiful heart.

Okay, this might be hard. She couldn't picture him any other way than holding her heart. She couldn't get loving him out of her mind. But she knew she had to try, so when he knocked on her door, she put on a smile and gave him a, "Hey Bromigo!" and they left for the dining hall.

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><p>Everywhere. That crooked smile kept creeping into every single thing he saw. Who would think that that would be what haunted him about Logan, but Carlos could not stop seeing it everywhere.<p>

'_Okay, this is ridiculous! I either need to find a way to move on and get him out of my head, or figure out a way to help him figure out whatever it is he needs to figure out.'_ Carlos thought to himself when a triangle on a sign turned into Logan's dimpled grin.

How does he do that? He can't exactly trust his own plans. We saw how that turned out last time. But how can he ask Kendall for advice on this? He don't even want to talk to his best friend right now. Knowing it's not Kendall's fault, doesn't really make it easier. Every time Carlos thinks about the blonde it makes him frustrated and hurt. What was it that Kendall could give Logan that Carlos couldn't?

He decided he was being silly to hold a grudge against Kendall for this, and he knew he needed help, so he texted him asking him for help on a plan to help Logan move forward in his decision.

Kendall must have taken that as a plan to win Logan back. But either way it worked, [turn it around on him. Whatever happened, how he made you feel, make him feel it. If you want him back, after he did it to you, he should want you back when you do it to him.].

The advice seemed perfect to Carlos. He knew exactly what he needed to do. He just had to find someone who would help him show Logan what it's like to see someone you love with someone else…

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><p>Reviews are cool… you could write one if you wanted…<p> 


	13. Vulnerable

As Camille walked into his room she found Logan wrapped in blankets curled up in a ball on his bed. Without saying a word she walked over to him and pulled the blankets open, climbed in and curled up with him. Logan began to pull away, prompting Camille, "Hey! Share." Logan didn't move.

She looked at him finding him lost in thought. "Hey! What are you thinking about? You're so far away."

Logan turned his gaze to meet her and his usually warm chocolate colored eyes were dark and cold. "Woah… are you okay?" '_I've never seen his gaze so frigid, it's like he's frozen inside…_' she thought. "Logan, you're shaking. What's wrong?" It wasn't a cold shiver, more one laced with fear… no not fear, anxiety? "Are you worried about something? What did you want to tell me? Don't be nervous, no matter what you tell me I won't hate you. I love you, Logan, no matter what."

"I know, I know that… That's not what worries me. What worries me is what it means if I say it out loud. If I say it, it's real and I don't know if I'm ready for that…" Logan continued but no one would have been able to understand what he was mumbling.

Camille hid her excitement, convinced again that this was it, Logan was going to confess his love for her. It made sense; he would be nervous, he's never been straight before and it's a big shift for him that he may not feel ready for. So, Camille decided she'd help him take it slow. '_he just has to tell me… I can keep it quiet until he is ready for other people to know… I can totally do that._', "Just tell me, I'm here. We'll get through it together. I promise. Just pretend like we're alone in the world and no one else exists. You can tell me anything, Logan. Anything."

Logan struggled to find the words to say it._ 'Camille is being such a good friend. Great! Now I feel a whole new brand of guilt for how I've been ignoring her. She was so willing to help me, and I've just pushed her away to focus on myself. That's all I ever do, focus on myself… I hurt everyone I'm close to just so I can get what I want. I hurt Carlos and ignored Camille, who else am I going to treat like crap?'_

Camille's train of thought was a bit different, _'He's going to tell me. I know it. He'll tell me, and then we'll go out on our first date. He'll do something romantic, I just know it. He's so smart he'll come up with something creative and interesting… We'll go to the Planetarium and he'll show me the stars, when I say 'they're so beautiful' he'll tell me 'not as beautiful as you'. Then we'll have a romantic candlelit dinner by the beach. After we'll walk along the water and gaze up at the stars trying to find the constellations that we saw at the planetarium. He'll point out one of the constellations and tell me a fantastic story about a beautiful maiden who was too beautiful so the gods put her up in the stars, and then he'll tell me she has nothing on me. Eventually we'll get married; it'll be a big wedding with all of our friends and family. Our colors will be periwinkle and mint green, and we'll write our own vows. His will make me cry. After we're married for a couple years we'll have kids; two boys and a girl that are all as gorgeous and smart as their doctor-daddy-'_

Camille was pulled out of her fantasy when she looked at Logan's face. It was riddled with guilt and pain. _'or… not… or he's just going through something, he must just need more time. I can do more time. I'll give him more time. I can do that… right? Yeah… I can totally do that…'_Again she was pulled from her thoughts by Logan, this time by what he said.

"I just- Well… Okay, so you know Carlos and I are taking a break or broke up or whatever, right? Well, the reason we did… never mind… it's nothing. I – they probably don't even feel the same way so it doesn't matter. I just break everything I touch anyways…" Logan was unsure whether he should even tell Camille. He was starting to think that he should just forget about Kendall as it is. All his feelings were doing were hurting Carlos, and he doesn't want to do that. Not ever… but then again maybe he could tell her. She said she'd be there for him, and she always gave him good advice.

Camille on the other hand, was instantly excited by this little mumbling. It was just enough to spark the fantasies back up. He liked someone else. It could be her! She could finally have Logan! "It's okay Logan, no matter what it is, you can tell me." Barely hiding her smile, but Logan was too nervous to notice.

"Well, I think that I have feelings for-" this was it, Camille was ready for him to say her name, "-Kenda-" before he could even finish Camille slammed a kiss into his lips. He was stunned, frozen. Camille immediately noticed her mistake and pulled away.

"Wait. What? Ke… Kendall? WHAT?" Camille could feel her sanity breaking. "Why not me? What is so wrong with me that you can't love me? What in the fucking world makes you attracted to him over me? Am I not good enough for you? I have been so good to you and loved you so much and you do this to me? To ME? Well fuck you, Logan Mitchell. Seriously. You'll never know how perfect we could have been together. You will never know what I could have given you. You'll never know, because you won't give us a chance…" by the end of it she was sobbing. Her anger quickly turning into sadness, her screams turned to pleads, "Why? Why w-won't you g-give me a ch-chance? I can be everything-anything that you need! I'll be whatever you want me to be!"

"Camille, no…" Logan was awestruck, "I- I'm gay. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I was in anyway attracted to women, and I'm sure that if I was you'd be the one. But… but I just, I'm not attracted to you like that… I don't really know what to say…"

This wasn't good enough for Camille, "Sorry? You're so sorry, aren't you." Her words were bitter, and full of malice, "You're horrible, Logan. You're a horrible friend. You're completely insensitive to be fact that I'm completely vulnerable here. I opened up to you and showed you my soul and all you can tell me is that I'm not good enough? Really? It's not fair. I'm hurting and it's not fair! I give you everything and you just give me nothing. Nothing!"

Her words stung, "Camille, I'm sorry. I just. I don't have anything to give you. But you're wrong. I'm completely vulnerable. I opened up to you, I opened up and told you something that I didn't even know if I could say out loud. I'm really hurting right now too. I'm confused, this has been tormenting me and now with this… you… I just… I'm so alone, and I need a friend. So if you really think that you can be what I need then be a friend, because that's what I really need right now; a friend."

She stared at him, both of them silent. Logan felt like the moment was going on for eternity. Camille's tears were still pouring, Logan had a few streaks down his face as well. The tension, the anger, the pain, both of them were covered in open wounds. But then the moment ended. Camille smacked him across the face.

"No! You are not going to do this to me. You can't possibly think that you are hurting as much as me! You would have to be invincible to endure the pain that I'm feeling and not be completely broken. But you know what? You're not! You're not invincible. You're acting like you're hurt, but you deserve so much worse. You don't even know how much you've hurt me!" Camille screamed.

Reeling from the pain on his face Logan's pain began to boil inside him. Camille was supposed to be his best friend. She was supposed to make him feel better. She was supposed to be there for him. She said that she would be there for him. She told him, no matter what, she loved him. They were best friends and now she's pulling this? The pain started to build in his heart, turning to rage. The burning handprint searing into his cheek fueled the fire and Logan snapped. "I'm GAY! Gay gay gay! I like men! What do you not get about that? I'm SO sorry that you are stupid enough to fall for me, but I never did anything to lead you on. I never lied to you and said that I might be attracted to women! I NEVER gave ANY indication that there could be something between us! I will never have feelings for you, so you should just get over it and move on!"

Camille's gaze turned cold as her tears stopped. She clenched her fists and turned away from him. Then in a cool, dark tone Camille calmly stated, "You should probably listen to what you just said. Take your own advice. If I'm stupid, so are you. He's straight and will never love you. You're a fucking idiot and you deserve every bit of pain you say you're feeling and more. I hate you and I never want to see you again."

As she walked out the door Kendall and Carlos walked in, "I know how you feel. Haha!" Carlos joked before he realized the intensity and sincerity on Camille's face. "Oh… uh…" Carlos bit his lip as he looked over at Logan, "Sorry, I uh… kidding…"

Camille pushed Kendall into the door frame as she stormed out, disappearing down the hallway. "What was that?" Kendall said, rubbing his shoulder.

"Don't worry about it…" Logan said quietly, "Sorry… don't let my drama interrupt your bro time…" and he quickly shifted on his bed and pulled out his laptop to pretend to do something so that they wouldn't bother him. And they didn't. They sat down on the floor and started playing video games like he wasn't even there.

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><p>Review! Well… if you want to…<p> 


	14. Pretend

Hey, remember that time I was writing this? Whoops. Welp, I'm back… we'll see for how long but here's a short chapter…

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><p>Logan shifted on his bed, adjusting his earbuds, so that it would look like he was listening to something. The headphones remained silent as he quietly watched Kendall and Carlos playing Mario Cart over the top of his laptop. Camille's words rang through his thoughts. Should he be taking his own advice? Kendall is straight, Kendall likes girls, Kendall is not attracted to men. These were facts. They weren't going to change. He had known these things all along, but he couldn't pinpoint the moment he started ignoring them…<p>

As he looked at Kendall, he spotted the sparkle of Kendall's emerald eyes and a memory flooded back to him. Kendall had been sitting with his thinking face on for a while, staring at his guitar. He had to write something for a composition class centered around the soul and he was having trouble finding inspiration. Suddenly he jumped up from his bed, walked over to Logan, grabbed his head, and stared deep into his eyes. He started saying something about how the eyes are supposed to be the windows to the soul, and he needed to see a soul to find inspiration. Logan was only half listening because at that very minute he was trapped in Kendall's gaze. The searching look revealed a mystic sparkle that Logan had never noticed; it was entrancing and seemed to call to him. That was the moment. That was the moment Logan had abandoned rational and fallen into the lies swirling around in Kendall's twinkling, green eyes. After, Kendall dropped Logan's face and walked out, going to look for more souls, leaving Logan to dream of those eyes.

Realizing that that moment had actually been nothing but Kendall goofing off because he didn't like an assignment, Logan felt like a weight was lifted off of him. He looked at Kendall and felt nothing. Kendall was no longer perfection, staring at him again he felt completely numb to all of the things that had been so charming. Little quirks had lost their allure. Kendall's expressive, oversized eyebrows were just something that needed to be plucked and maybe poked fun at. The smirk he had on his face while he was winning his race against Carlos was no longer sexy but seemed a little cocky. The way he laughs as he loses to Carlos is even more obnoxious, after how impressive it was for him to be in first now it's not a big deal that Carlos won? At least congratulate him. Whatever. Kendall's not special anymore. Logan was free from him and decided he wasn't going to let that one miscalculation ruin his life.

He switched his attention to Carlos, he sat there sweetly, a smile on his face, tongue sticking out a little as they started the next race. He seemed to happy.

The image of Carlos' face when Logan said he needed some time to figure things out flashed before his eyes. The pain, the anguish. He had looked like a puppy that just got kicked. After causing that, did he really deserve a second chance with Carlos? Could he really risk hurting Carlos like that again? Is that fair?

He tried to conceptualize being alone. Having no one to cuddle with. No one to call when you're bored and just need human interaction. No one to comfort you when you're having a shitty day, or even to know you're having a shitty day without you saying anything and trying to make it better… Just alone. He remembered a conversation he had had with Carlos about how depressed Carlos had been before they were together. He had hated being alone, seeking out comfort in one bad relationship after another, none of them lasting long. Carlos hated being alone, but no one ever knew.

- Flash back -

It was the first time they had been alone together since Kendall introduced them on their first day of college. Logan felt awkward being alone with Kendall's friend, because, well, that's what Carlos was. His roommate's friend. Not the cute guy with the amazing ass that smelled like the perfection. Not the happy guy who always brightened every room that he walked in. Not those perfect lips that Logan couldn't help but want to kiss. He was Kendall's friend, and Logan was alone with him. "When do you think Kendall will be back?" Logan asked trying to break the silence without being awkward.

"I'm not sure, he's with Jo so it could be soon, it could be tomorrow morning, if the ice queen decides he's worthy of sleeping with her tonight… haha" They both chuckled even though they knew Carlos wasn't joking.

"I just figured you were here to hang out with him…" Logan stammered.

"Nope, wanted to hang out with you, get to know you better, since I have to share my best friend with you, hah! Why? Are you busy? I can go if you have something better to do…"

"No, no! I just, um… I didn't think you really liked me that much." Logan was confused.

"Are you kidding? I like you plenty. I think we just need to get to know each other better… don't you agree?" The way Carlos said that made Logan uneasy. It was like he was trying too hard. Carlos didn't try hard at anything, he was so go-with-the-flow that it almost irked Logan, or it would… if he didn't find it so attractive.

"Oh! Okay, well then, let's get to know each oth-." Logan started, but was cut off.

"To be honest I really don't like being alone and my roommate's gone for the weekend and I was lonely and you seem like such a nice guy I thought you would be willing to hang out with me because when I'm alone I feel so alone, which is probably why I have put myself through so many horrible relationships and dating so many crappy guys, but I'm trying not to do that anymore, it's just really hard when I'm in a new place and my only real friend is always attached to a frigid bitch…" his rambling continued while Logan stared in amazement.

This perfect guy. This unobtainable, ideal, embodiment of everything that's right with the world has a flaw. He wasn't perfect, he was human. The realization shifted things in Logan's mind. Carlos had this flaw. A flaw that no one could see. No one knew how severely insecure he was about being alone. But now Logan knew. Logan had a special thing with Carlos. As his mind shifted around this new concept of Carlos his vision shifted to Carlos' lips. They were still moving so fast. Logan wanted to stop them with a kiss, but that was to forward. Logan didn't do things like that. So he just said, "I'll be your friend…"

Carlos paused, "… what?"

"You said you only had one real friend. Well, now you have two." Logan was terrified to put himself out there like this, but Carlos pulled him off what felt like a cliff.

"Really? Awesome." A couple weeks later they started dating.

- End Flashback -

Logan snapped back to reality when he heard Carlos' laugh boom through the room after creaming Kendall. He couldn't help but think that that was just too vigorous of a laugh for a simple win. _'Is Carlos just covering up his insecurities? He can't be this okay, this happy. He's alone. I mean he's not alone. He's in a room with two other people but he's not with me. He's probably just covering up how he feels like he used to when he was single…'_ Logan watched the scene unfolding before him. It really just looked like two friends having a good time. Despite all his knowledge of Carlos' behavior he couldn't spot any tells, nothing to help him break through the potential façade. _'I hurt him,'_ Logan thought,_ 'I did, and now I have to risk being hurt in return if I want him back. I can do this. I can. It's worth it. HE's worth it.'_ "Hey can I talk to you? Alone…" Logan interrupted their game.

Kendall paused the game and started to get up before Carlos asked, "Talk to who?"

"You, Carlos, I uh… I was wondering if I could talk to you real quick… If that's okay…"

Before Carlos could respond Kendall, a huge grin plastered across his face, leapt towards the door, "I'll just give you two some time to talk things over… maybe work things out? Yes? He crossed his fingers visibly and held one hand visibly through the door as he walked out and almost closed the door on his hand.

"Okay, then I guess so… What's up?" Carlos started.

"I just…" Logan took a deep breath, "I want to apologize for everything. After that blow out with Camille I realized that I was being crazy and stupid and I never should have even doubted how I feel for you. I'm so sorry for putting you through this. And if you'll have me, I'd like to try to earn you back. Would you be willing to go to the Delta Iota Kappa Party with me on Friday? Maybe?"

"Wow. Uh… okay. Um… I just…" Carlos was caught off guard. He wasn't sure what to do, he already had his plan set up. He could just not do it, but the way Kendall made it seem, Logan needed to feel how Carlos feel and Carlos loved Kendall's plans. So He had to go through with it. "First of all, thanks? I guess… I just, well, I didn't know, think that you would pick me, and I already have a date for the party, but we should still hang out while we're there. I'll definitely see you there. And maybe we can try being friends again and see if it builds back up?"

"Oh. Okay. Well, as long as you're happy, that's all that matters. "Logan barely got out. He meant it, but it hurt to say it. It hurt to realize that Carlos was moving on.

Carlos on the other hand went to find Kendall, the look on Logan's face telling him everything that he needed to know. His plan would work.

* * *

><p>Hey maybe if this get's reviewed I might feel inspired to keep updating it again...<p> 


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